Happy, Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World

Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World Act IV, Episode 1

Last week on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World, the gang defeated a kraken, pulled the ethernet cable on Brota, killed a metric dick-ton of zombies, bonked a big-nosed boss, and kicked the anti-party's ass. Now they prepare to face the final battle. Will the party kick down the door? Will they go looking for trouble? WILL THEY LOOT THE ROOM?! Stay tuned for Round 6 of this exciting tournament arc: Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World Act IV, Episode II: The Dread Gazebo.

Act III, Episode V
Rasker Why?

Last week on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World…. The gang went shopping! Arthas got a fancy new, totally not cursed sword, Thrall retrieved his flaming claws and had a fun time roleplaying as a forge, Greymane upgraded his ninja sword, and Gibblesnik got a magical wizard hat. They then happened upon Arthas’ children, Jack and Jill, being sold with a bunch of orphan streetrats from the realm. Greymane held the enraged knight back while Thrall managed to buy the kids back for a bargain and the day was saved.

The next day, our heroes began their first boss fight in the TOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNAMENT ARC, which they won by turning a hyrdra into a llama. Then, they faced off against the Mrgl-Girgle Clan, a bunch of aquatic warriors with a Dragon Turtle as their tank. The gang thought the Dragon Turtle was the main boss, but it was me, Dio! a giant kraken. What will happen next? Will our heroes prevail against the underwater menace and go on to round 3? Will someone discover their secret power? Who will win??? Find out next time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World Act IV, Episode 1: TOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNAMENT ARC!!!!!!!!

Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World Act III, Episode IV
A New Ho

Last time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World…

Samurai doggo got turned into a Samurai pupper, DJ Rasker dudududu dudududud, King Midas turned a King Kobold into a golden llama, and Meta Knight smashed Donkey Kong into next century. The gang ran into a metric dickton of mechanical soldiers that appeared to be made of some kind of clockwork on the third floor, recovered Samurai doggo’s stuff, and played musical chairs except with portals for a while before eventually returning the main lobby of Future Corp, the corp of the future, and exploring the basement, which was full of thralls and dead science people. When they finally made it back to the streets of Eglath, our heroes headed for the Mourning Wood to rest for the evening and enjoy a few hundred beers. 

What will happen next? Will the gang uncover the mystery of WTF is going on in Eglath? Will there be a tournament arc? Will the robots from the 3rd floor of Future Corp, the corp of the future, destroy the empire? Will our protagonists’ adventures ever go according to plan? Find out next time on Happy Fun Adventure Time in a Fanstasy World Act III, Episode V:  Rasker Why?

Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World Act III, Episode 3
What Does the Fox Say?

Last time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World….

Our heroes visited Future Corp, the corp of the future, in a quest to hunt down the six-fingered elf that pulled a prank on Fluffy’s village a few years back. Inside the massive building, they came across two interesting devices that allowed them to walk through walls, drop through ceilings, and put holes in the floor. Along with Fluffy, Chell, Atlas and P-body teleported their way through a hall of dangerlights, fought their way through a pair of sentinels, evaded traps and turrets, and finally found what appeared to be the main laboratory on the second floor, where they promptly got stuck inside of a testing chamber. After a while, they figured out how to escape that and now sit contemplating their next move.  What will happen next? Will they check the other rooms on the second floor of Future Corp.? Will they encounter that orc thrall they portaled to somewhere else in the building? Will Fluffy ever get his stuff back? Will the six-fingered elf let the gang ride his pony made of diamonds?

Find out next time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World Act III, Episode IV: A New Ho.

Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World Act III, Episode 2
The DM Needs a Nap

Last time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World….

Our heroes set about exploring Eglath, the capital city of the Teraphobian Empire. Everyone wanted to get out of the poor district, but the gates leading to the nicer parts of town were blocked off by guards and sentinels! Fortunately, the orc brawler turned out to be a rogue in disguise and was able to sneakily sneak past a sentinel and throw a rope over the wall to the rest of the crew. However, in the process of dramatically revealing that he was a rogue, green Sly Cooper managed to get spotted by a sentinel and raise an alarm. The rest of the party watched from the bar patio as guards looked everywhere for the intruder, had a good chuckle, and then made their way to the wall and eventually found the rope to get up and over. Captain Bark and Bigger, Noisier Clank had no problems getting up the wall, but Ratchet and Doggo were still on the ground when some guards spotted the activities. Working together and using Bigger, Noisier Clank as a counterweight, the gang heaved Ratchet over the wall atop Doggo’s back in a cloud of smoke, much to the shock and awe of the guards.

With that settled, our heroes immediately went to the bar and engaged in fisticuffs with a drunken dwarf (the only kind of dwarf, really), and then spent a relaxing evening resting in their rooms. The next day, everyone went to get in line at Future Corp, the corp of the future, where an elf and foxgirl were giving a presentation on some new thrall juice their company was releasing to the public during the emperor’s birthday week. Apparently, Justice Bark liked the foxgirl or something, because he stalked her to her another room after the presentation for an impromptu interrogation. The fox called security and her husband, that one elf from the presentation, and had Justice Bark hauled off to jail without passing go or collecting $200. The rest of the gang snatched as many vials of thrall juice possible and watched as Justice Bark, no longer disguised as an elf, was taken to the pound, borking and snarling all the way.

Thinking it would be best to split the party here, Ash and Pikachu went to the magic shop to buy some magic stones, stopped by the smithy to place an order for a weapons upgrade, and located a cheap tavern to rent a room and drink while in town. Meanwhile, Officer Jenny questioned a slave trader and gained intel about the coliseum where Mightyena was being held. Sneaking in, the officer located the suspect and then went to retrieve the rest of the party for a jailbreak. The gang then went on to murder a patrol of guards and slipped back to the tavern, where they slept the few remaining hours of the night.

What will happen next? Will Justice Bark get his shit back? Will Pikachu use a thunder stone? Will Ash win the championship? (lol no) Will Officer Jenny protect the Pokémon from Team Rocket?! FIND OUT NEXT TIME on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World Act III, Episode 3: What Does the Fox Say?

Happy Fun Adventure Time in a Fantasy World Act III, Episode 1
Brunch on Meat Mountain.

Last time on Happy Fun Adventure Time in a Fantasy World….

Still in the wrong bodies, our heroes walked in on a tavern brawl and met with some interesting beastfolk who had apparently escaped the gladiatorial life in the Teraphobian Empire. The beastfolk directed the gang to Gordon, their contact in the poor district of the empire that had helped them escape through the use of a vaccine for the thrall juice currently being manufactured by the empire.  In return, our heroes recommended that the beastfolk head to Blackfen keep and then The Consolidated Realm, where they would be welcomed (probably).

After a terrible night’s rest, the gang made contact with Mr. Bones, who haphazardly answered some of their questions to some extent and then tried to head back through a portal to carry on with his important business elsewhere. The Kobold managed to lay a trap and catch Mr. Bones halfway between worlds, and together, a human dressed as a fuzzy samurai wolf, a kobold dressed as a mostly nude orc, a wolfman dressed as a shiny clink clank knight, and an orc dressed as a scuzzy rat lizard made their way into the bright lights, hustle and bustle of a thriving metropolis…..in another world. After some ultimatums and some weird looks from people who obviously lack an appreciation for cosplay, the gang convinced Mr. Bones to let the cat out of the bag. After releasing the cat, Mr. Bones told of portals connecting to different points in the world and promised to take our heroes back to where they belong. He also told them that he wanted the Staff of Mysteries to restore Morgana to her rightful place as queen of the faeries and to destroy the Teraphobian Empire and stuff. Seemingly satisfied with that response, the heroes let Mr. Bones go and he took them to a portal guarded by some kind of lady knight on horseback. There, Mr. Bones hid while the heroes went back to their own world.

With Faerie Quest #1 out of the way, everyone went back to the fae forest and turned in the quest. The Fae Queen Nero made Barnes give the heroes back their proper bodies and then issued the next quest: find the key to get into the vault. She didn’t give any clues beyond a promise to send them a messenger later.

Restored to their proper forms, the Big Bad Wolf, Little Red Riding Hood, the Huntsman, and Grandma-if-Grandma-was-an-Orc-and-also-a-Dude lined up to get inside the empire to meet Gordon. Gordon turned out to be Mr. Bones’ (also known as Faedick) brother, and he gave everyone an antidote for the thrall juice, plus placed everyone in disguise as an elf so that the party may move freely around the Empire. He told them to watch out for the sentinels though, robot centaur dudes that can detect this kind of disguise.

Anyway, everyone headed to the business district on very important business after that, where they learned even more about Emperor Joffrey’s empire-wide celebrations for his 13th birthday. WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? Will something happen? Will it not? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON Happy Fun Adventure Time in a Fantasy World Act III, Episode 2: The DM Needs a Nap.

Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World Act II, Episode 5
The Empire Strikes Back

Last time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World…

After a long day on the trail of the Teraphobian regiment, Sad Woofer and Alucard got plastered in the woods and had a fireside chat while Frances Willard and Ranger Rick kicked back and enjoyed the weather. The next day, Ranger Rick scouted ahead and managed to spot a clearing in the woods that looked like a good spot to camp. The gang headed in that direction and finally arrived at the clearing, which was empty save for a ring of smooth, identical stones encircling a chest. Naturally, Alucard opened the chest, and he and Ranger Rick went to town shoveling a seemingly endless supply of riches into their pockets, bags, fanny packs, and man purses. Frances Willard got in on the action as well, and soon the trio had more wealth than a Nigerian prince whose assets are locked away safely in a bank beyond his reach due to an unjust coup d'état. Because Suspicious Wolf is suspicious of anything that didn’t come from the poor district, he opted out of the plunder and refused to enter the ring. He was eventually persuaded to join the rest of the group in the center of the circle by a very persistent rock wall.

Turns out Suspicious Wolf was right to be suspicious (for once), as everyone in his party had been replaced by fae dopplegangers! The real versions of the heroes woke up in the Faerie Court and were made aware an outstanding balance on their accounts, a result of Mr. Bones “gifting” them immortality. According to the Faerie Queen Nero, Mr. Bones – whose real name is Faedick – is actually a former member of the Winter Faerie Court. He recently went rogue and stole the faerie’s immortality. The Fae court believes he may be doing this in order to aid Morganna, the former queen of all Fae and sister of the goddess Arturia.

Because the heroes are imbued with this stolen immortality, they have been commanded to repay the debt by performing three tasks for the Winter Faerie Court. Fortunately, the Fae are a benevolent folk that recognizes that the heroes did not intentionally get into this situation, so the queen has promised a reward upon completion of these three tasks.  The first task is to find out what Mr. Bones’ true objective is.

With that, the heroes were returned to their bodies…only to discover they were in each other’s bodies – and not in the gay way, unfortunately. Rasker is Valdur and Valdur is Rasker and Vladimir is Hardin and Hardin is Vladimir! Confusing, I know. Anyway, the gang took their new bodies and set out for the capital of the Teraphobian Empire. They were accosted by drunk and silly slavers during their first night at a seedy hotel and killed a poor guy on his second day on the job. RIP 2-Day Larry. Fleeing in the middle of the night, they then proceeded onward to the next settlement, where they’ve discovered twenty or so tracks leading into the tavern – tracks that looks suspiciously like the soldiers they were hunting in the woods.

What will happen next time? Will our heroes get their bodies back? Will Vladimir as Hardin get revenge for Hardin as Vladimir dumping out his liquor? Will Valdur as Rasker remember how to count to lots? Will Rasker as Valdur save the day? FIND OUT NEXT TIME on Happy Fun Adventure Time in a Fantasy World Act III, Episode 1: Brunch on Meat Mountain.

Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World Act II: Episode 4
Worst. Roadtrip. Ever. Of All Time.

Last time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World… Our heroes finally made it to Blackfen Stronghold, the biggest orc city in the west, which rolled out the red carpet for their arrival. Mystified by the warm welcome, the gang met with Ana, an ancient orc grandma. She cleared up the mystery by revealing Lord Valdur’s true identity: The Chosen One, destined to unite the clans and bring harmony back to the world. Naturally, The Chosen One took this all in with his usual, humble grace and promised to do everything in his power to protect his people and restore world order. Just kidding. 

Big Green Harry Potter, Ron Weasely, Scabbers, and Serious Black enjoyed a feast with all the orcs except one group that seemed really peeved for some reason. After some investigation, they learned that the chieftan’s son was the leader of that one group, and being none too pleased with the arrival of some impostor chosen one, was spoiling for a fight. Ron Weasely saw this as a good opportunity for the gang to earn some respect, so he low-key mentioned that Harry Potter was planning on fighting the orcish heir. This caused some drama and the two parties agreed that there would be a duel between the seconds, Sirious XM Radio and Goyle, to resolve the question of whether Valdur or that orc chief's son whose name I can't remember ( <s>Korok? Karok? Kotor? Kakarot</s>? Something with a K…) has a better little sister. Meanwhile, in return for Ron scoring him an invitation to a duel, Harry Potter sent a giant orc to beat up Ron Weasely and then had him carted off to a brothel outside of the town (Scabbers followed). Overall, the gang did some shenanigans in the town and some other stuff, and then the day of the duel came. With bare fists, Sirius White plowed into Goyle, knocking the big orc out quickly. Then, the orc chief’s son took offense at some concern or another and challenged The Chosen One to a fight with weapons this time, no magic. Unsurprisingly, The Chosen One won (he’d be a lousy chosen one if he didn’t) and everyone hugged it and became friends. Totally.

After wrapping up their business in town, the gang hit the road again, this time traveling south to the Teraphoban Empire. Everything was going along really well and the group was actually making good time, but that all changed when the <s>fire nation</s> Teraphoban Empire attacked. Well, they didn't attack our fearless heroes — they actually attacked the town of Katun. Allegedly. Nobody has any proof.

The group decided to move forward and hunt down the baddies with Shovel Knight scouting ahead through the forest. After a day's march, the forest eventually got pretty chill (literally) and, upon noting a massive storm moving in, the group decided to look for shelter. Upon finding an old, abandoned and scorched village, Shovel Knight notified the others and they stopped to make camp as a blizzard hit. Now, with the wind howling like this swirling storm inside, Sad Woofer sits alone in an empty burned-out house, and the the rest of the gang is merrily trying to stay warm in a completely different empty burned-out house. What will happen next? Will the Great Mouse Detective bake more cookies? Will The Chosen One decide what he wants for dinner for once? Will Shovel Knight find the bad guys? Will Sad Woofer let it go? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World Act II, Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back.

Act II, Episode 3

Last time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World…

Our merry band had an excellent time at Count Strahd’s killer house party and everyone lived happily ever after.

Just kidding.

The gang continued to explore Count Strahd's mansion, discovering some sinister mad science along the way. Baron Banana-Hammock had a rendezvous with a tentacled hentai beast in an underground lake while Dexter and Dee Dee leveled up their chemistry in the vampire's laboratory. After a while, the gang was able to reunite — just in time for the Baron to get an incurable case of "punching a thrall in the face." Aided by their new ally Omnigul, our heroes fought off waves of thrall, spiders, tentacles, bats, and other nonsense. After that, an accidental discovery of a trap door led to the vampire's vault, which contained some pretty sweet loot. 

After suiting up, the gang realized they were locked into the vault with no way out. Fortunately, maid Helga saved the day by letting them out….right in front of Count Strahd. Baron Banana-Hammock was once again afflicted with a terrible case of punching things in the face and punched Strahd right in the mouth. That went over about as well as expected. With the boss fight triggered, the end was in clear sight! Also, maid Helga turned out to be an evil vampire mistress with a charming whisper. Fighting bravely and doing his best impression of a Genji escaping a Mercy, the Baron punched everything in the face while Wolf Genji ran around anime-style (for maximum speed) to kill everything with his stabby-slashy sword. Master Splinter placed traps and laid out some heals, Omnigul screamed a lot, and Doggo bamboozled the bad guys to heck and back. After a long, draining battle, our heroes were victorious, took a nap, and lived happily ever after.

Just kidding.

They aren’t getting off the hook that easily. They still have a magical stick to find and a princess to rescue, so tune in next time for Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World Act II: Episode 4 – Worst. Roadtrip. Ever. Of All Time.

Act II: Episode 2
Metal Gear Rasker V: Grandma Heroes.

Last time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World…Rasker, Valdur and Vladimir played a game of hide and sneak with a bunch of slave caravan guards, banished Lady H’iss 2.0 to another dimension, had their fortunes read, got a new pet, and moved permanently to a quaint, off-map countryside town where they’ve been invited to dinner with a vampire. Now the gang is enjoying their free time exploring the home of Count Von Strahd, the vampire of Barovia, with the help of their new friends: Vareena the newborn banshee and Helga the maid. What will happen next? Will Vladimir figure out how to fix the bridge? Will Rasker find more cookies? Will Valdur help more hunnies turn into banshees? Find out next time on Act II, Episode 3: Crasher-Vania.


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