Happy, Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World

Act II: Episode 2
Metal Gear Rasker V: Grandma Heroes.

Last time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World…Rasker, Valdur and Vladimir played a game of hide and sneak with a bunch of slave caravan guards, banished Lady H’iss 2.0 to another dimension, had their fortunes read, got a new pet, and moved permanently to a quaint, off-map countryside town where they’ve been invited to dinner with a vampire. Now the gang is enjoying their free time exploring the home of Count Von Strahd, the vampire of Barovia, with the help of their new friends: Vareena the newborn banshee and Helga the maid. What will happen next? Will Vladimir figure out how to fix the bridge? Will Rasker find more cookies? Will Valdur help more hunnies turn into banshees? Find out next time on Act II, Episode 3: Crasher-Vania.

Act II: Chapter 1
Rasker Stole the Cookies from the Cookie Jar. Who, me? Yes, you. Not me. Then who?!

Last time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World…Our heroes decided to set out for the Teraphobian Empire on a mission to steal the declaration of independence rescue the princess. On the way, they came across a small abandoned village. While Pinky and the Brain checked out the alcohol and apple stores and Scooby Doo looked for clues as to why the village was abandoned, Goldilocks explored the rest of the village, found a little girl, and took a nap on a bed that was juuuuuuuuuust right. After the gang reunited, they continued on their adventures with the little girl, Aubrey, in tow. Eventually, they ran into some kind of fraternity hazing ritual or something, at which point Aubrey decided to use life steal on some of the frat boys and save the freshmen vampires from the super Xtreme stake burning challenge. The vampires went on their merry way and our brave heroes continued their quest, paying no heed to the strange rumors of grandmas being kidnapped throughout the land. On the third day of this grand excursion, a massive sandstorm hit, and the group almost ran into a camp of slavers in possession of the missing grandmas. Hidden for now, the gang contemplates their next actions. What will happen next? Will the grandmas go free? Will Rasker be triggered by so many grandmas in one place? Will the group pass their stealth rolls? WILL THE PRINCESS BE IN ANOTHER CASTLE?! Find out next time on Act II, Episode 2: Metal Gear Rasker V: Grandma Heroes.

Patch Notes 1.02


  • Damage modifier on weapons reduced to ½ level + (str/dex/wis/etc).
  • Attacks that cannot be dodged or blocked only hit if the roll to hit is equal to or greater than the target’s AC

General Mage:

  • Increased healing output of lesser healing
  • Changed wording to clarify the effect of Barrier Defense

Explosion Mage

  • Changed Infallible Boundary passive to reflect update to Barrier Defense
  • Changed wording to clarify the effect of Frenzied Blaze
  • Adjusted mana cost on Chuunibyou to vary by the spell chosen
  • Changed wording to clarify the effect of Dark Flame Master


  • Upgraded Fist Weapons to provide an off-hand attack as a bonus action. Does naked 2D6. Clarified that main hand attack uses 2D6 + ½ Level + Strength OR Dex.
A Tale of Two Sisters
Or The Story of How Everything Got Rekt

As the party unwinds from their travels, the mighty, impressive dragon Bahamut begins to speak.

Tens of thousands of years ago, back in a time when gods freely intervened in the world and dragons still soared the sky in great numbers, a time before the underland, a time when all races fought and lived and worked as one on the continent, two sisters appeared in Forlonde, much in the same way Amelia did. The younger sister, Arturia, was fair and shone brightly, her great sword glinting in the sunlight. She was bold and won the hearts of mortals across the land. Eventually, she became king of a mighty people and thus, the Kingdom of Monere was born. Blessed as if by the gods, she never aged. Her wounds and ailments healed overnight. Her wisdom became known across the world as her reign spanned the centuries.

The older sister, Morgana, was dark and beautiful, bearing a powerful staff that could produce fine magic that was the envy of every caster in the land. However, she was also jealous of her younger sister's fame and power. She sought power of her own, and journeyed far and wide, becoming known by many names in her quest for power, before settling in the Feywilds as ruler over the fey courts — united for the first time even the oldest Eladrin can remember. Peace did not suit Morgana, and after many centuries, she grew restless and once again returned to the material plane to seek power and continue to grow in beauty and strength. It was then that she stumbled across an ancient vault. With her staff, she unknowingly released a great evil on the land from that vault. Once she realized what she had done, she trembled at the power in her hands. Then, resolved, she used the staff to take control of that evil and marched across the land.

Now, this is the point where our histories collide. There was a young shadow dragon, Morded, who idolized the older sister. He vowed to be her steed, to carry her where no other would. And so Morgana and Morded led an attack against the city of Monere. Two elder time dragons, Nidhogg and Ouroboros, were slain defending the city, and thousands of people were killed. Arturia held fast though, and with her mighty sword Excalibur vanquished hundreds of creatures in the evil army. But for every one she killed, a dozen more appeared as if from thin air. Arturia fell and the city was overrun; the remaining elder time dragons called upon the gods to intervene. Mighty Vallanus roared down from the sky in his chariot and struck down thousands of the creatures, while Lunara saw to Morgana. Seizing the staff and encasing Morgana in ice, Lunara sealed away the evil creatures in the vault from whence they came. Morgana was also sealed away in the vault. The young dragon was imprisoned deep underground as punishment for his treachery, far from the sky he loved to fly so well. 

The dragon stops for a moment to pour the kobold some more popcorn and refresh everyone's ale mugs.

Thirty years ago, the hero Amelia went down into that vault and came out with the staff. She did not come out unchanged. The revolution began shortly after. During the war, Queen Azshara requested to study the entrapped Morgana. I disagreed, but eventually the council gave in. Five members of the council went to retrieve the body: Kabyr, Praedyt, Pahaniin, and Ryujin. Only one, Ryujin, made it back out, leaving us with only six of the original time dragon aspects: myself, Kur, Savathun, Grendel, Kilgharrah, and Ryujin. And her, of course, though she is no longer entirely one of us, becoming corrupted each day more and more by the calling of her true nature. We used the orb to seal the vault shut with that cursed staff and the great evil it unleashed inside. That orb is your key to getting into the vault.

The dragon pauses for a moment and then looks at each person in turn — a bit regretfully, as if he acknowledges the fruitlessness of what he is about to say next.

A week ago, I would never have told you this. But now, Morgana has been awoken and even now she seeks to regain her former strength. You have a strange potential about you — you must become stronger and then stop her from entering the vault and regaining the staff. If she or anyone else who can use the staff awakens the evil that lives in that vault, there will be no saving us this time. The gods will not answer. The world rests on your shoulders, gods help us all.

Act 1: Episode 5
Tiffany is Really, like, Friggin’ Pissed Right Now and, like, Just Can’t Even.

Last time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World… Our heroes continued their quest to find the legendary dragon Bahamut, but they still had plenty of time to go sightseeing through the forest, where they bullied some banshees and obliterated some ice elementals. Upon finding the dragon, the gang learned some surprising secrets — namely that you can't judge a dragon by its size. Bahamut turned out to be totes friendly and sat the kids down for a bedtime story about how the staff of mysteries came to Forlonde and the mysterious origin of the goddess Arturia and her way cooler older sister, Morgana (Read that whole legend here.) He then revealed that the gang only has six months to level up and get gud!










So our heroes trained hard while listening to 80s rock and managed to go up TO THE NEXT LEVEL! Then they had to hurry up and cook breakfast/dinner for a group of 6, no 7, time dragons (one dragon showed up without a reservation). Anyway, the dragons had a meeting and decided Who's a Good Boy, Richie Rich, Ratatouille, and Sir Ironpants would form the fireteam best suited to tour the ancient vault and recover the staff of mysteries before it's too late. 

What will happen next? Will Orc McMoneypants manage to complete his thoughts on the princess' whereabouts or will the subject be forever lost in a cliffhanger? Will Knight McMetalpants manage to snag some of that sweet, sweet dragon gold? WHO STOLE THE COOKIES FROM THE COOKIE JAR?! Find out next time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World, Act 2: Chapter 1: Rasker Stole the Cookies from the Cookie Jar. Who, me? Yes, you. Not me. Then who?!

Act 1: Chapter 4
I Couldn't Become a Hero, So I Reluctantly Ended Up Joining a Cult

Last time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World…Our heroes ventured to the temple district of Aodalas to get some answers about the location of the dragon Bahamut, the last-known location of the staff of whatever, and to get Rasker some cookies. They ended up staying for the free swag (along with some other convincing marketing assets) being offered by the Cult of the Nine. Then they all signed up to be cultists! With the quest to recruit more cultists, our heroes set off through the city. Mini-hulk and the perverted ratman helped quench a fire at a bank and acquired gold and a ledger for their troubles while the samurai werewolf went after the criminal that caused the fire. Meanwhile, Sir Clanksalot went shopping for a polearm and recruited a bunch of hobos to the Cult of the Nine. After they finished up their errands in the city, the gang headed to the mountains in search of the legendary dragon Bahamut. Along the way, they were shaken down by a large gang of bandits and spotted a huge column of orcs marching toward Aodalas. Then they all went to sleep and everything was k. What will happen next?! Will our brave adventurers find the dragon? Will Rasker get more cookies? Will Vladimir-kun make back to town in time for his date with Tiffany?! Find out next time on Episode 5: Tiffany is Really, like, Friggin’ Pissed Right Now and, like, Just Can’t Even.

Act I: Chapter 3
The Duck of Doom Returns!

Last time on Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World…Our heroes continued faffing about underground in the Water Spout, a popular Spider bar. Rat-faced Rainman got super drunk and eventually passed out; Sir Fluffybutt-chan the 3rd put on a top hat and accidentally gave a Spider barback some bug spray to sniff; Soldier Seventy-Shoot-First-Ask-Questions-Later found a secret door with a mysterious puzzle, and Leeorc Jenkins, Lord of Ingesting Mysterious and Probably Poisonous Substances, had a lovely chat with a friendly Spider dad. After that, the gang successfully solved the mysterious puzzle and gained access to the secret room, where they found a lame emo diary, a sweet box full of absolutely nothing useful, and a super awesome trap door with a convenient tunnel leading out of the Underland. Naturally, the helpful knight burned a few casks of alcohol sitting at the bottom of the tunnel to keep everyone else from temptation. After fighting amongst themselves and then killing this poor shaman that just wanted to know what was in the box, our heroes hitched a ride to Aodalas and got a room at Safe House #4, the popular safe house owned by The Spreading Adventure all Over the World Brigade. What will our heroes do next? Will they find the legendary dragon Bahamut to find answers about the Staff of Mysteriously Disappearing's resting place? Will they join the Cult of the Nine? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World, Episode 4: “I Couldn't Become a Hero, So I Reluctantly Decided to Join a Cult.”

New Item Acquired: Mysterious Journal
Found in a small personal quarters in the Underland

The entries below were found in a journal on a small writing desk in a room in the Underland. The room contained a bed, some clothing, a cloak, an oil lamp, and the desk. Everything in the room is coated in a thick layer of dust. This appears to be a new journal, as only the first 3 pages have any text. 

Day 17 of Firemoot, the year 1010

Everything is nearly ready for our plan. The new city is nearly done, according to reports from Lord Crabbersnatch and his merchant's guild, and Dedrick has taken our daughter north so she won't be near Monere when it starts. It's too tedious waiting around down here, but I have no choice. Dedrick fears the enemy's assassins and I must keep watch over the staff or everything will have been for nothing. The Underlanders are ready — Queen Azshara has assured me that the many who will be resettling in the overworld are fit and able should they get involved in the battle overhead. If all goes well, however, I should be able to disrupt the fight and get everyone to safety. Azshara has demanded that her throne take the staff into its care afterward. I suppose there's no harm in it. If Bahamut is correct, there are only 3 people in this world that can wield it anyway: one is but a babe, one is (supposedly) imprisoned for eternity, and well, I'm right here. Dedrick insists we ought to destroy it afterward…but I don't know…We have stories in my world of powerful weapons like this, but I'd always thought they were myths. There's still too much to discover about Forlonde and all of Eao, really. Ah, I've started rambling again. I've been down here too long. I miss the sky.

Day 22 of Firemoot, the year 1010

Dedrick returned today. He was carrying a small orc child. Apparently its parents were killed in the night by the enemy's assassins. They must have been brave to have been living on the surface in times like these. Dedrick insists on raising the child. I can't say I disapprove; it may send a good message if Dedrick is to become king like the rumors suggest. I don’t know what my place will be after all this. As long as Alara is safe, I really don't care. The preparations are complete. All we do now is wait for Herzog and his treacherous men to bring the fight to Monere.

Day 23 of Firemoot, the year 1010

It's finally happening. I can hear the chaos above, even through all the earth and stone overhead. Dedrick will send a messenger when it's time, but I'm anxious to get out there. The others down here are restless, as well. Captain Haku and his beastfolk seem to be the only ones at ease. There have been at least 5 fights in the orc camp tonight and the Naga soldiers have been downing grog since noon. The captains have been sending scouts through the passage hourly to make sure the path will be clear for me when it's time. I just hope it isn't too late by then.

Act 1: Chapter 2
Heroic Adventures in Underland

Last time on The Walking Dead Game of Thrones Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World…

Our heroes set out to the Underland on a quest to find The Staff of Mysteries a cheaper, way worse staff than Rasker's and rescue the princess. To their surprise, the ruins of Monere were quite lively, with a fun, festive carnival, funnel cakes and games! After saying goodbye to soldiers JJ and JJ, Rat Scrotum and his pets, Wolfie-kouhai, Orcish Fratboy and Dad76, ventured down to the Underland, where they met lots of new friends. Rat Scrotum had a great time playing hide and seek with Sylock the Defiler and Orcish Fratboy picked up a mysterious shipment from an old pal. Then the gang got knocked out by a gaseous statue and had to be hauled to a tavern by Wolfie-kouhai, where there were lots of cute spiders and Alice the gothic Naga princess/part-time worker. After drinking their fill, our heroes were escorted to meet the Naga Queen Azshjara, who hired them to bring the staff to her instead of Mr. Bones. After a good night's sleep, the gang headed down to the tunnels of the Underland, fought a ton of slimes, released a shadow dragon, snuck past a mysterious sorceress frozen in ice, picked up a duck in a dungeon, and killed Rat Scrotum. Will our heroes find a way out of the winding tunnels? Will they uncover the secret of the staff's final resting place? WILL THE DUCK OF DOOM RETURN?!  Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z Happy Fun Adventure Times in a Fantasy World, episode 3: The Duck of Doom Returns!


Patch Notes 1.01
Notes Regarding the Latest Patch
  • Moved katana to the Heavy Weapons category so that samurai feel useful
  • Increased movement speed penalties for large shield so knights can’t be so speedy
  • Nerfed short blades and hatchets when single-wielded and clarified benefits of dual-wielding.
  • Removed water from chambers where slimes are present
  • Buffed all enemy defenses on days ending in “y”
  • Reduced amiability of all NPCs by 10 due to the Shadow Dragon incident
  • Nerfed Mr. Bones and increased respawn timer by one turn
  • Buffed Alice due to shady characters in her workplace. She now gains +10 when making a perception check
  • Increased penalties for treason against Archduke Cribberfits

I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.